


Day 3: Past

by paranoid_parallax



Series: Entrapdak Positivity Month [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Ableism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Illness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, entrapdak positivity month, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26813329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax
Summary: Shortly after Horde Prime's defeat, Hordak is dealing with trauma and the return of his chronic illness. Entrapta is thrilled to have her lab partner back, but she understands that he's been through a lot and needs time to heal.What she doesn't quite understand is why he's become so protective of the port at the back of his neck — especially around her hair.
Relationships: Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Series: Entrapdak Positivity Month [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955614
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104





	Day 3: Past

It had been a couple of weeks since Horde Prime’s defeat, and Hordak’s condition had quickly reasserted itself along with his individuality.

He hadn’t taken it too well, understandably, but he was coping. Sort of.

Barely.

At least he had his armor, and Entrapta could finally be there for him again. She was worried, though — he had been particularly jumpy lately, and as much as she hated to think about it, she couldn’t help wondering what Prime might have done to him.

They were finally getting ready to sleep after a long night of work, and Entrapta offered to help Hordak out of his armor. He agreed, looking exhausted. With a fond smile, she reached her hair around to begin disconnecting some of the wiring on his back.

Suddenly, he flinched away from her hair, bringing a hand up as if on instinct to shield the back of his neck. “No, wait— I—” For a second, he seemed frozen. “On second thought, I can do it.”

Instantly, Entrapta’s heart dropped. “Did I do something wrong?” Already she was replaying their whole interaction in her mind, scanning for anything out of place, anything she might have said or done to upset him.

He met her eyes, expression softening slightly. “No,” he said vehemently. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“But you would tell me if I did, right?”

“I am not lying to you. It’s not because of you.”

That reassured her a bit. Hordak had never lied to her so far, and she hardly expected him to start out of nowhere over something so strange. She knew that she was easy to lie to, though, and it had gotten her hurt before, so she remained a little on edge even though she trusted Hordak. If anything, he might lie to spare her feelings, and she didn’t want that.

“Are you sure you don’t want my help?”

“I told you, I can do it myself.”

“But it’s easier if I help you,” she insisted. “Why don’t you want me to? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Hordak was quiet for a moment, eyes closed. He took a deep breath. “Fine. Just… be careful around the neck port.”

“Of course.” She was confused as to what exactly he meant, though — wasn’t she always careful? Had she hurt him before? “But, it doesn’t usually— I mean, I— I’ve never hurt you or anything, right?”

“No! I didn’t mean—” He hesitated, seemingly unsure how to put his thoughts into words. “I just… with that port…”

Entrapta listened patiently, but he couldn’t seem to continue.

“You don’t have to explain. Just tell me what’ll make you more comfortable right now.”

After a moment’s consideration, he said, “Don’t touch the neck any longer than you have to, and don’t touch it with your hair. And I need to be able to see that it’s _you_ while you do it, so if you could be next to me rather than behind me…”

Specific instructions. That, she could handle. “Okay, got it! I can definitely do that.”

While she set to work removing Hordak’s armor with her hair, careful not to touch anywhere near his neck yet, she kept talking, unsure of what else to do.

“Okay,” she said finally. “Just going to take this part off now… first I’ll just unplug this…” Sitting beside him on the bed, she carefully and quickly disconnected the wiring from his neck port, and began removing the last pieces of his armor with her hands.

She could feel his heart pounding and his body trembling slightly as she finished.

“I’m sorry,” she tried with a somewhat strained smile. “I know it’s no fun having to take it off, but you can’t just keep it on 24/7.”

“I know.”

“Is it okay if I hug you?”

He nodded, and she gladly threw her arms around him, clinging tightly to his side. He put an arm around her shoulders as well, and she eagerly snuggled in closer to him, head pressed gently against his chest.

“I love you,” she said softly.

“I love you too,” he replied — a bit slowly and awkwardly, still getting used to it. To being allowed to even feel something like this.

They sat there for a moment in silence.

“Hordak?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, but I have to ask. I need to know what Prime did to you.”

“What do you mean?” He was instantly defensive, pulling away from her. She was going about this wrong, wasn’t she?

“I… I’m worried about you. The way you’ve been acting lately is consistent with responses to psychological trauma— I mean, it always has been to some degree, but things are worse now, I can tell— and I don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with it alone. If something happened, you should tell me.”

“It’s none of your concern.”

“Yes, it is, because I care about you!”

“Entrapta—”

“You don’t _have_ to tell me anything. But don’t keep it all to yourself just so I won’t worry, because I’m worried anyway, and I want to be able to help you.”

He was silent for a long moment, and she assumed he wasn’t going to tell her.

It surprised her when he finally began to speak. “Prime used the neck port to… reset me. His hair — the cables plug in there. That’s how he wiped my memory.”

_Oh, no._

“While I was with him, he could see my thoughts. He could take over my body — that, you saw. And there was more, I know there was, but it’s all a blur now — though sometimes it comes back to me in nightmares.” He sighed. “I haven’t had a night without them since Adora freed me from his control for good.”

“Oh, Hordak…” She felt a tightness in her chest just knowing he was in so much pain. “I knew it was bad, but I had no idea…”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Of course it is! You’re clearly traumatized! And you aren’t even sleeping properly, you’re going to get sick—”

“I already am,” he said bitterly, with a harsh laugh.

_Oops._

“Right.” She cursed herself for bringing that up, even if by accident. “Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Entrapta shooting him nervous glances every few seconds, unsure of what to say.

“Why do I miss him?” Hordak asked suddenly.

“What?” She couldn’t keep the bewilderment out of her tone.

He shook his head. “I know what Prime did was wrong. I was afraid of him, and he… hurt me, even if I deserved it—”

“You did _not_!”

“But—”

Entrapta gently shushed him with a piece of her hair. “Shh. Prime was wrong, and horrible, and you didn’t deserve _any_ of that.”

“I know that, and yet… I still feel, all the time, like he was right, and I _am_ a failure and a defect and an abomination, and my only purpose is to serve him, and I’m too damaged to even deserve life, and — and I do miss him,” he admitted quietly. “Sometimes I miss the brainwashing and the hivemind and I _know_ it was wrong, and I _know_ I shouldn’t, but some part of me still just wants to please Prime. Even now that he’s gone.”

Entrapta wished she knew what to say. Handling delicate emotions was not her strongest suit, and she wanted to help, but there was only so much she could do. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. I just meant—”

“I know.”

There was a brief silence.

“Is my hair going to be… uncomfortable for you? Should I not—”

“No! No,” he repeated more calmly. “Don’t start treating me differently. Just keep your hair away from my neck, everything else should be fine.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you.” Another phrase he was still getting used to.

“Are you okay with a hug right now?”

He nodded, and she happily latched onto him again, tentatively wrapping some of her hair around his lower back as well.

“It doesn’t bother you if I ask, right?”

“Of course not.” He was getting that awkward, ashamed look he still got whenever he tried to express genuine emotion. “I… appreciate it.” He hesitated. “Would you like me to do the same for you?”

Entrapta was usually the one to initiate any sort of touch between them, but touching was different than _being_ touched, at least when it came to her sensory issues, so… “That would be nice.” She smiled. After a moment, she impulsively added, “Can I kiss you?”

In answer, he leaned down to meet her lips with his, eyes closing — trusting her.

When they broke apart, he rested his head on top of hers. With her face pressed against his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing, Entrapta heard him begin to cry quietly.

Tears welled up in her own eyes as she held Hordak tightly, suddenly achingly aware of how much she had missed him, how much time they had spent apart, how lonely she had been, how afraid. “I’m here now,” she assured him. “You’re safe. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt list created by @tallysgreatestfan on Tumblr.


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